My hand turned me down
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.