there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
