the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
