You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
