Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i think i just lost a toe
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
