I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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