well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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