Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
