I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
