I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
