I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
