I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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