grandma shit on top of the toilet
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
