Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
