Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
