An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
