He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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