I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
