His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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