why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
