how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
