don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
