See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
