Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize