theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
