Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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