You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
