I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize