i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
