I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
