I have demons in me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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