Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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