so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
