the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
