A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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