Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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