How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
