White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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