he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
