I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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