You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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