My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
