dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
