I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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