I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
