we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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