Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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