and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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