i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?