hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How drunk are you??
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means