You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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