i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.