absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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