Your face is a jimmy john
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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