Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
