I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
