i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
