well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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