I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
