I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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