I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
