So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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