toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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