There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
