i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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