The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
