we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
