I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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