I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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