So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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