Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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