there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
