I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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