How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
