I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
