Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
