I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
